back.

the consistency of my blogging (not to mention the varieties of tone i have evidently adopted) has been hindered by my flux from living by virtue and living by vice, but books like "Letters to a Young Contrarian" by Christopher Hitchens never fail to bring me back for at least a paragraph or two.

"Beware of the irrational, however seductive. Shun the "transcendent" and all who invite you to subordinate or annihilate yourself. Distrust compassion; prefer dignity for yourself and others. Don't be afraid to be thought arrogant or selfish. Picture all experts as if they were mammals. Never be a spectator of unfairness and stupidity. Seek out argument and disputation for their own sake; the grave will supply plenty of time for silence. Suspect your own motives, and all excuses. Do not live for others any more than you would expect others to live for you." - Christopher Hitchens

i would recommend that anyone read these essays, if nothing else to quell my fear that as a result of the above quote, i will be tagged some sort of Ayn Rand sympathizer.

not-so-Dr. Strangelove, or how i'm learning to stop worrying and love the blog.

i've had, since writing here last, a difficult time commencing what i had naively believed to be my descent into the blog world. as much as the idea of "self-PDA" bothers me, i find myself also consumed by the lack of any public interest in this blog (of course, interest being measured by critics, to whom i must thank and likewise apologize for the lack of upkeep... whoever you may be.) i did hastily disown a variety of blogs in my first post, and at times have felt regret for the impulsion and at other times at peace with it. in my blog-absence i have made note of literally (baker's) dozens of topics, theories, and other opinions i wanted to blog about, and found a bit of hypocrisy in the chicken scratch that revealed interest in sharing my designs or cartoons (one of particularly offensive note called "tough questions" highlighting a rather awkard exchange between sesame street characters on the topic of AIDS... but they did sort of open the door on that one, didn't they?)

anyway, im back to tell you that i will blog again soon (quite possibly with visual aids)...."you" being Ian, the only person i currently know who is interested in this blog and shares my whimsical taste for philosophy in all things. consider this my official apology-in-advance (and retrospect) for any apparent contradictions amongst my convictions. (any of which are free reign for vehement criticism, of course.)

so that's how god did it! in the ballroom... with the candlestick...

glamour mystifies.

"The most beautiful and most profound experience is the sensation of the mystical. It is the sower of all true science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead. To know that what is impenetrable to us really exists, manifesting itself as the highest wisdom and the most radiant beauty which our dull faculties can comprehend only in their primitive forms - this knowledge, this feeling is at the center of true religiousness."

Albert Einstein, "The Merging of Spirit and Science"

so according to Einstein (who is, i would guess, a pretty reliable source.. and obviously less jewish than everyone has been told), mysticism is the emotion we feel when we feel we are spiritually connected to a higher power (....or david blaine). clearly "mystify" denotes "mystery," meaning... the work of god is a mystery. what Postrel argues is that we cannot appreciate glamour, or being mystified, until we can understand the work that has produced the mystery.

[i remember reading/hearing/watching a response by Richard Dawkins to a priest/minister/other religious figure's attack that the scientific explanation of the color spectrum essentially reduces us to spiritual desolateness by eliminating wonder. when i find that quote i will put it here, since it would probably aide in the continuity to my next paragraph.]

if one can only appreciate a glamour in light of its complexities, than the only way to truly appreciate the color spectrum is to examine the science behind it. if instead one touts, "god just made it that way," they have been seduced by what is believed to be a higher mystery, and thus may feel justified (and even spiritual) by way of the explanation.

I would argue, however, that the greatest mystery is one that is infinitely so. actually, think about infinity for a minute. consider a universe that never ends. personally i can only think about it for a fraction of time before the futility either overwhelms me or induces a brain aneurysm. although a biblical "god-made-it" tale does not immediately come to mind, many other "infinities" certainly do. how about human beings? either we evolved from early primates (which science has proven... and is the reason i am so shamelessly contemptuous of strict creationism) or god made us. think about evolution long enough and before long you will likely end up in the infamous "chicken or the egg" quagmire. paradoxically, the more science explains our existence, the more questions we ask and thus the more mysterious it becomes. and you thought god worked in mysterious ways.

(yeah how bout that.... maybe i should have called this blog "how bout them apples?")

if god just "made" us, then there is no mystery, unless we ask how. i think many people would argue that god is then, by definition, mysterious. i disagree. "god" can be explained. for example: god can induce feelings of hope and security (when he's not making us fearful and depressed.) the bible was written by man (most logical people would not try to argue that,) and this creates the possibility (and with the lack of any scientific proof of god, the likelihood) that man created god in an effort to make himself happy. one cannot logically argue that any of these proposals are inherently false. along with an exhausting array of other rational explanations, i think that's tantamount to "case closed." if god can be explained, then there is no question of "how," since that argument has already been relayed to the domain of reason.

now we can see why science is more beautiful than god. it is not a cheap glamour that can be picked apart and debunked (however simultaneously adored,) but is instead an infinite feedback loop of curiosity and wonderment.

so hey, the next time someone complains that its raining on their wedding day, or that there's a black fly in their chardonnay, or even that they (ironically) wrote a song about irony that isn't that ironic, you can say "well, they say science works in mysterious ways... or maybe you don't know what the fuck irony is."

agreed.

"Real security is not knowing something when you don't know it." -Eve Ensler

i thought that maybe i found a TED clip that could explain the importance of blogging...

but this is what i got.

if you can even sit through this clip, i think that you will find that it was just a long-winded way of saying, "people can get to know each other better, and that is good."

what about the negative impact of blogging? people become so increasingly focused on themselves that they can no longer see the benefit or detriment to people on a larger scale. Look at reality tv; sure, shows like "intervention" can be eye-opening, but what about the obscene amount of reality tv shows centered around the entertainment of cruelty and degredation? sure, we dont have to read your blog. we don't have to watch reality tv. but everyone gets sucked in at one point or another. "reality" is everywhere (go figure).

as much as Trott talks about "doing the blog for herself," you can see her light up when she gets to show off her daily picture of herself, or talk about how hot she thinks her husband is. its a whole lot of me me me, you, you, you, and not a lot of us us us. it almost appears that she can only entertain herself- no one seems to laugh at her jokes, and personally i feel really uncomfortable (in that "watching-forrest-gump" kind of way) when she makes a last ditch effort to save her joke by practically asking for people to laugh. honestly, i'm not trying to be petty and insult her sense of humor. i'm just pointing out that maybe blogging about yourself has the potential to delude you and reduces your ability to connect with other people... which she argues is the benefit of a blog in the first place. maybe she has become accustomed to laughing at her own jokes since she isn't actually making face-time with her readers to know if they even think the jokes are funny.

since i am tired, i wish someone could just lay it out for me. what are the pros, what are the cons, and although we really love to talk about ourselves, is it really worth the price? (this reminds me of a similar argument about religion, but i will save that for another day.) although she says blogging is good, she doesn't really provide any unique insight on the subject.

if the price of not having reality tv meant that our culture would be less obsessed with scrutinizing people in the cruelest and pettiest of ways, i would certainly prefer a world without it, wouldn't you?

"not to blog" - 1, "to blog" - 0.

so my neighbor's an axe murderer.

well, i guess it wasn't an axe.. my mom said it was probably one of the samauri swords he used to swing around in his front yard.

honestly, i'm way too freaked out to link to the article. i don't want this jackass to google the link or something while he's out on bail (even though he couldn't afford bail) and find my blog... if that is even possible. once he's convicted ill probably post a link.

so this guy lived across the street from my parents for several years, until recently. he came over and brought us vegetables once. he hugged my mom once. he had a pitbull which he bred on his front lawn with some other guys pitbull in the middle of the day. he nearly lit his woods on fire once. when that happened, all of us were standing around on our front lawns waiting for the fire department. my neighbor's sister ripped him a new one for having a pit bull in our neighborhood across from her niece and nephew, and pointed out what a jackass he was for managing to light his own tree on fire. he came over to ask my dad if he had a gun, so he could "put his dog to sleep." my dad said "you can't just discharge a firearm within city limits... let alone shoot your dog..."

good thing he didn't cut any of our heads off.

evidently after he decapitated his neighbor, he wrapped the head in a rug and put it in the oven and turned it on.

about my re-entry into the blogosphere of self-promoting megalomaniacs.

well, so far i have not exploded into flames. looks like my steely exterior has remained intact. for my next trick i will don an adult diaper and drive 900 miles... nevermind. comic references are often lost with an internet audience.

~ ~ ~

an essay prompt i once had in women+crime was, "why study women in crime?" i came up with a really bad-ass and insightful response that earned me an impressive 100% and a verbal "i don't normally give out such grades" from my young adjunct professor (who's area of study was primarily hate crime, not women and crime.. and who did in fact give out such grades). the interior design major sitting adjacent to me asked if i was "a straight-A student." no, tragically i like to set the bar low. one A is good enough.

i cannot continue with this blog until i can justify its creation and maintenance. i have read a lot of blogs in my day, and can only think of a few that are really worth going back to. the only one i have read as of late is primarily about design, but not as most design blogs are about design. this dude is actually insightful (and rather unpretentious) and makes some interesting critiques of the design world. now would probably be a good time to plug the link, but all my entertaining sites are bookmarked at work... you know, like the rest of the cubicle world.

i have also, on occasion, read personal blogs kept by close friends (or people that are not close friends, but somehow garner my curiosity regardless). i suppose there is always someone you wish you knew better in reality.

[i cant help but think now how i feel like sarah jessica parker in sex in the city. someone will surely read this and actually feel as though i insulted their intelligence with my too-easy witticisms and neurotic assessments of day-to-day life.]

a lot of blogs i see from other young designers are really just another outlet to plug their work. that really doesn't interest me. i'm surrounded by designers and am slowly fostering a hate for design pop-culture. i know i'm not alone here, but really... disliking design culture wont score you a sweet job at a design firm on the west coast. [ i hear the "you just have to want it, carly" statement so much that i've come to realize that i never really wanted "it" in the first place.] so you can see why this is probably not a popular topic. i like to design, but i don't want to be a designer. i'm sure there is some logic in that statement.

i cannot venture to guess what anyone reading this blog could glean about my life or about life in general. chances are pretty good that i will unintentionally offend a lot of people (because i tend to do that) and those who do not know me will never want to. in fact i think i already insulted design bloggers everywhere.

well, the onus was upon me to prove the importance of blogging and i regret to say i was not able to come up with any good reasons. oh well. i will try to keep the self-promoting to a minimum, because that stuff is bullshit... or at least not productive enough to inspire me to do it.

i hope that if i make a comment that fires you up enough to talk smack about my blog to leave a comment regarding your sentiments, even if you think it is insulting. i've never been a big fan of political correctness and very rarely take critical (or any other type of) assessments personally. besides, what is the use of publishing a blog if it doesn't inspire some rational or insightful dialogue?

so... is it possible to blog without being a blogger? is it possible to publish your thoughts without being pretentious and deluded? (way to wrap it up, bradshaw.) stupid question. its practically un-american to be an un-blogger. and i am proud to live in the only country in the entire world with a secular constitution and a government that isn't actually secular.

coming out.

this will by my public blog.